When I told my husband last night that I had started a blog, I got the "you're ridiculous" eye-roll. I tried explaining to him how much it helped ME to write this stuff down. He asked what I was writing about and I told him, but he still couldn't quite grasp why I would want to "write" it down. I told him that I don't have the patience to actually write, which is what I was doing before blogging. I type so much faster than I write so my hands have a decent chance of catching up with my brain if I type. I told him it was therapeutic to be so open and vulnerable and to express yourself like this. He looked confused. I have blogging, he has golf. I choose to express myself, he chooses to swing a metal stick around. I guess the "men are from Mars, women are from Venus" conflict is put to rest.
I got up this morning to an empty house, started making some coffee and found myself wondering this exact question - "Can I be happy AND thin?" There have been 2 times in my adult life that I have been thin....notice that I did not say "fit", because I was losing muscle along with fat, but still....I was thin. It was when I was 19 and throwing up every morning (joys of pregnancy) and again a few years ago. Both were incredibly stressful times in my life. Pregnant at 19 will make you question your entire future and apparently, during that questioning, I didn't eat. And when I did, it came back up. Needless to say, I was losing weight and not gaining. The other time, which I choose not to share with anyone with an internet connection so I'm not going into detail, was a very, very stressful time in my life. I was making bad relatioship decisions and couldn't be bothered to eat. I lost almost 40 lbs. and didn't work a bit to do it.
WHY?? Why does a thin outer body have to come with such a stressed out, fragile, broken inner body? I don't want to be stressed out! I don't want to be pregnant again! (not yet anyway). In my experience, stress=thin. But.....I want to change that equation. So....
I was looking for an easy answer. That's why I didn't find one. Just like algebra and equations....the answer isn't usually easy. You have to work for it. I have to find a way to be happy and be thin....and not just thin, but "fit"! I have to wake up every day and make the right food choices. I have to wake up every day and make the right fitness choices (stairs or elevator, close parking spot or walking distance, watch TV or walk my dogs). I have to make choices that make my equation look different. I still don't make the right choices every day, but when I mess up, I don't throw the whole day away. I make corrections for my next choice, whether that be a meal or a parking space. I have a new equation: happy=thin=fit=fabulous!!
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