There are two words in the English language that can strike fear into the heart of the most confident, assertive and vivacious of women: swimsuit season! For the most part, I am an extremely extroverted personality. I am loud and opinionated. I am confident in my ability to do almost anything.....until.....you put me in a swimsuit. My confidence is stripped away and is replaced with fear and self-loathing. For other people, without kids, this wouldn't pose a problem. If you didn't want to be in a swimsuit, you wouldn't have to be. However, I have a daughter and she insists on living at the swimming pool during the summertime.
A few weeks ago, I went swimsuit shopping. I drove home in tears, literally. I could barely see the road because I was sobbing hysterically. I think that it was more devastating than I had planned because I have been working so hard to lead a healthier lifestyle. I eat right and I exercise regularly. Even though I see my body everyday and know what it looks like.....I assumed (ridiculously) that I would look better in a swimsuit than I actually did. I was terrified. What was I going to do? My daughter wants to go to the pool and I don't want to sit out and watch her play.....I want to play with her!
So....I dried my face and refocused my energy to where it needed to be.....continuing with what I am doing with my eating and my workouts. Like I have said before, there is no magic pill and I simply have to keep working. I will, no doubt, get to where I need/want to be. It just takes time.
Now I go to the pool with Caitlyn, still draped in fear, but with less self-loathing :) I realized that most (not all....but most) of the women there have similar struggles. Most of the women at my pool are members at my gym and I see them working for what they have and it gives me hope. I can't wait for next swimsuit season. I will be in much better shape and self-loathing will no longer be an issue. But, I have to work for it. I have to push through these feelings of inadequacy to get to the other side. And while I'm working and waiting for that great body to reveal itself, I'll be damned if I make my little girl play in the pool by herself. I may not be the best looking chic at the pool.....but I'm definitely the one having the most fun!
